The Vessel that Carries the Savior

It has been a while, I apologize. Life gets crazy and crowded and before you know it, time has flown by so quickly, catch up is no longer an option. So, you start from where you are and do the next thing. So, here I am.

Embarking on my third trimester, our little girl is doing lots of moving and shaking and bouncing and stretching, making it very clear to mommy, she is doing well, but the worry and anxiety is still there. Buried underneath the calm of creativity and organizing and cleaning, is the every looming pain of despair and worry that rocks my boat over and over when I least expect it.

I have hidden away for most of this pregnancy. Between sickness, covid, exhaustion, exposure, lack of energy, I have taken much solace in the 4 walls of our home these past few months. I have never been an introvert, and being cooped up for too long usually drives me mad, but lately, it has been a kind of hideaway from the realities that loom.

After losing our first daughter, my heart is overwhelmed by the thought that God would reach down and not only bless us with a rainbow baby in our son, but after a short miscarriage, bless us with another daughter! While I have kept cooped up these days for various reasons, God has been at work in my heart and I want to share with you the direction He has been leading my heart in these days….

The feeling kind of remind me of when I was a little girl. My face pressed up against the window, waiting patiently for my friend to arrive. She was coming for a playdate, and I could not wait. The expectation was so high, I just knew what we were going to do from the time she got there until the time she had to leave. The minutes ticked by like hours and with each minute came a higher expectation. Still no car. That’s okay. It was only 5 minutes past what time she was supposed to be there….

Five minutes turned into ten, turned into fifteen and pretty soon, my mom came into the room with the sad and dreaded news…she wasn’t coming. Not today, not tomorrow. There was no backup plans made. It was as simple as that. She wasn’t going to be able to make it, period.

At first I was understanding. It happens. But soon I started to feel rejected, unimportant, unworthy, helpless, frustrated, hopeless, wondering if it was something I did or said or should have done or said. Why was the answer no, with no open ended invitation to fulfill the once promised arrangement? I never got an answer then and I still have no answer now. It was never discussed after that. Time went by and, while I always wondered, I never asked.

Just like that, expectations in life can make us feel all sorts of ways. There were other friends, other outings, other playdates, but that one that I had anticipated, went unanswered and left a wound in my heart. That is a small scale example for a much larger wound that we all carry from different broken expectations in life. Maybe a loss of a friend, job, child, parent, a broken promise, heart, or relationship, whatever that expectation, it has gone unfulfilled and the need and desire has been met with no answers and completely shattered hopes.

Those kinds of storms can really throw you for a loop. One minute you are sailing on, with your visibility clear and your compass set, and the shore line in view. The next, you find yourself grasping at the helm for dear life as the waves rock your ship back and forth, disorienting you to any hopes of finding your way back.

I have been studying the mentioning of waves and storms in the Bible. It is interesting to me how, in no case, when Jesus calmed the raging sea, was he ever at the helm. He was, at one point, asleep on a pillow. We have talked about being A Vessel in the Hands of the Potter. I would like for us to take on a new adventure…learning about being The Vessel that is Carrying the Savior.

Sometimes we have the expectation that we will arrive at our ports without much trouble. That the forecast doesn’t call for anything but calm seas. We plan our trips around the weather and take much pride in our abilities to pilot our ships through the seas of life. As Christians, we carry the Savior in our vessels everywhere we go, but for some reason, when the hardships, storms, broken expectations hit, our Savior is the last one we wake for help.

When put into the context of the scriptures, Luke 8:22-25; Mark 4:35-41; Matthew 8:23-27, we are astonished that the disciples, literally leaving instances where Jesus had just performed miracles or spoke parables, would not think Jesus could calm the seas and instead fear for their lives before shaking Him awake and questioning if he even cared. But, when put into the context of the “storms” in our lives, is it really all that shocking that the disciples had so little faith, when we, ourselves, carry the Savior with us everywhere we go, and yet, call on Him so little, until the deep despair of fear and hopelessness take over and then we cry out?

Learning that the storms will come, the winds will blow, the ship will rock, our souls will fear, our hearts will break, our expectations will shatter, is part of learning that we live in a sin-cursed world. Saved and unsaved alike will face rain and storms. The difference comes in recognizing, we do not sail without Hope. Tucked within the cargo of our vessels is the most precious Hope we could ever ask for, Jesus! He goes with us! He is what makes the difference in a life rocked by disaster and one rocked by disaster with the answers resting in the hinder part of our ships.

So, as we embark on this new journey, as we recognize together that Jesus goes with us into the calm and into the storms, let’s together take hold of the promise given in Isaiah 43:1-3

Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour