Butterfly Wing- A Story of Hope

“He has made everything beautiful in his time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

There are a thousand different things running through my head this morning about this story of hope. Some of which most of you have heard many times before, others that only a few have had the opportunity to hear. It has been a burden on my heart for a few weeks now to share this new story with you all as it has been unfolding, so, here it is.

“When Hope for the Christian is shattered, it is really just a transformation in the making.”

Several weeks ago we found out we were expecting again. After trying for many months, we were thrilled, nervous, all the expected emotions you would expect to come with the exciting news of a new addition; but from the very beginning, there was a feeling down deep in my gut that something just wasn’t quite right. Five tests, super faint lines, no real feelings of being pregnant. So came the first appointment.

Ever get a terrible feeling based off of the intuition that someone’s face is giving something away you dread? That was me. Hesitation, nervous chuckles, small talk, jokes, I tried them all, to no avail. There was an aura of uncertainty that drove the emotions of the entire staff. They know my story. The loss of our daughter. Three children in a row with genetic Lamellar Ichthyosis, negative news and uncertainty has become the common thread of our story so much so, there was a strong will and desire to keep the narrative going as long as possible, until we had a definitive and solid answer to back up the theories. All the evidence thus far was pointing to a miscarriage, but, until it was a proven fact, we all held out hope.

After all, I was not experiencing any symptoms and conception is not a science of hard evidence, it is a miraculous event.

Lots of ultrasounds. Lots of bloodwork. Over and over. Day after day. Wait after very long wait. Hour after very quiet hour.

They could not find what should have been a seven week old baby.

No heartbeat, no yoke sac, no tail. Just what could be considered an empty gestational sac.

We held out hope. Wild hope. Holding on to the promise that no matter what, God had this.

It was the longest and most willful weeks of our lives to date. Seems like our current situation in life is etched with the resounding theme of patiently waiting. (Not my favorite thing in the world! In fact, the worst thing ever! And yet, the greatest learning experience and growing opportunity I have ever faced!)

The transformation had begun.

Upon the last visit to the doctor it was clear the pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage and it was my body’s turn to do what God designed it to do, Shatter.

Did you know that in order for a caterpillar to become a butterfly it must first consume itself?

It literally breaks down into an organic smoothie! Morbid, but fascinating! I just love the mind of our Creator. What an incredibly all-knowing, all-powerful, all-present, perfect, beyond comprehension Heavenly Father and Creator of all things, to come up with such an awesome and powerful notion for an ugly, incomplete caterpillar. That the biological make up to turn it into a beautiful butterfly would already be within its body, but in order for it to fully mature into something beautiful, it must consume itself!

Everything it has known up to this point, wrapped in an ugly, non-attractive shell of a cocoon, must be completely surrendered and demolished before an incredibly gorgeous, perfectly designed, pre-planned, final transformation of itself can emerge!!!

Then one day, like a miraculous resurrection from the dead, that tightly wound, enclosed and lonely place, breaks open to reveal a brand new creation….

What an absolutely breathtaking, beyond comprehension transformation! Completed by our Immutable God!

How many times has life thrown you curve balls and you chalked it up to…well…life?

“Part of it”, you say. “This too shall pass”. “There is always a next time”. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

But all of those things deny the existence of an Almighty Creator who has a perfect plan even amidst the pain, shattering, life-consuming heartache you are facing.

I’ve been guilty of using those phrases and others to get by or to shy away from a more in-depth conversation I was just not ready to have because the pain was too deep to get through it.

But here, there is hope. Hope in God. Hope in His plans. Hope in His transformation of our life to fit into the perfect will of His Glory and our good.

For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. Jeremiah 17:7 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Romans 12:12

My heart is broken. My hope was shattered. But the transformation has only begun. God’s perfect plan for my life is still unfolding as it is for you! Each step of the way, God has a plan. Not to harm you, not for evil, but for good! It feels daunting and relentless and lonely. You feel like only a shell of your former self.

But, Truth is, you really are.

But that is because God has a greater plan than any of us can understand.

We must hope in Him. Trust His ways.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55: 8-9

And so, the butterfly charm..the story of hope. What is your story of hope today? What seemingly impossible transformation has God brought you through? Sharing our stories is an important part we cannot miss! Often times we hide behind the cloak of privacy, intimacy, invisibility, if you will. The whole world doesn’t need to know my personal business. But as Christians, we sorrow not as those who have no hope. We do not live unto ourselves. The things God does in our lives need to be a light on the hill!

As kids we sing…”hide it under a bushel NO! I’m gonna let it shine!” This little light of mine cannot shine if it is hidden from everyone. If it is selfishly my story and no one else’s business. We are here to bring God glory. Through our shame, our brokenness, our shattering, our failures, our shortcomings, our pain, our victories, our patience and long-suffering…none of it is truly ours. It is God’s story of GRACE UNSHATTERED!!!

So, wear it, share it, live it! And to God be the glory!

“He has made everything beautiful in his time” Ecclesiastes 3:11 Butterfly wing- The Story of Hope