A Merry Heart

Somedays it feels like we are carrying around the weight of the world on our shoulders.

This is me…26 weeks ago, we began our unexpected journey into parenthood for round #6 and were quite surprised and caught off guard. We did think we were able to get pregnant yet, given the recent miscarriage, but God had other plans.

As we had sat and planned and talked for hours about how we were content with what God had given us in children and ready to move on to the next stage in life, God had already blessed us with our sweet little girl, forming gracefully in secret.

That joyful moment of discovery came in the form of shock, but thankful remembrance that God is always the One in control and the only Giver of life.

Fast forward, as the weeks and months rolled by, many, many things would happen. Sickness rules the schedule in our house now. We haven’t all be well at the same time in over a year! Our immune systems seem powerless to fight even the most common of viruses. Missing church with our family, surrounded by love and support, missing out on trips to see family, outings with friends, playdates with kids, you name it, its been home sweet home all day, every day, for months on end.

Then there is the weight one carries when circumstances seem to pile on frustration, anger, agony, strife, and unforgiveness seems to just allow these feelings to fester and grow. 70 times 7 seems like a very low number in conjuction with the amount of times you have “forgiven” already, as every sense of joy is sucked from your life, leaving you a withering, dehydrated Christian, with very little fruit to show for yourself.

Couple all that with cabin fever and other personal issues that come with pregnancy (*cough* ladies and even hubby’s know what I’m talking about) and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a completely out of control, moody, overwhelmingly complicated spirit, depleted of nutrients and barely hanging onto life.

How could I possibly write, blog, create, when my heart felt so overwhelmed. When I couldn’t raise my own head off my pillow each morning without all that ugly showing. When my patience was short fused and my tolerance was null, and my joy was a distant memory of days gone by when I didn’t feel ashamed of myself before my Heavenly Father. How could I even show my face before Him, knowing the bitterness I was holding on to mocked His full forgiveness of my own sins and shortcomings.

And so, the weight of the world became a heavy load I was destined to carry alone, because placing it at the feet of Jesus meant that I would need to approach him and that was too much to fathom.

Are you following me here? These are after thoughts. These aren’t the words I would have penned while going through it. During these times, I threw little pity parties, vented to friends and family, blamed it on pregnancy, complained about the stupidity of sickness, and got my whole family rolling with my mood swings and attitudes, as if it were going to be our new normal, because, well, I said so.

Most occasions, that creepy monster can sit heavily on ur shoulders forever before you even recognize he’s there. Like having someone slowly and secretively fill your backpack with rocks while your not looking. At first, you don’t even notice, what’s one rock? But, after the course of time, as they begin to pile up, and you start to feel the sweat pouring off your head, and your feet feel tired and weighted down, and your back begins to hurt, and your legs seem to buckle beneath the load…would you choose to carry on? Or would you sit and take that backpack off, and exam what you are carrying? And get rid of the weight that so easily besets you?

Oh grace! What a marvelous wonder! That in all of our human capacity to fathom, we cannot scratch the surface of its depths and beauty. The giving of what we do not deserve! The answers that come in such simplicity as we surrender our burdens and let God be the lifter up of our heads. The enormous gift of His willingness, not to simply lighten our load, but to show us again and again how His ultimate sacrifice paid for every bit of our sin debt that we need carry the weight no more! His yoke is easy and his burden light!!

And then, the remedy…

After we come to our senses, after we place our burdens at His feet, He gives us the medicine to help heal our spirits…

A merry heart!

Haha! Would we even remotely consider this to be the medicine while pouring sweat and buckling beneath the weighted burden? Never! Our brows are fixed, our determination is showing, our need to do this on our own is strong! So, we hold on, dig in our feet, and refuse to admit…we have a disastrous problem.

But, after we submit, and give our load to Jesus, finding joy and letting our hearts be merry again seems fruitful and exciting, and begins to pour out on others around us!

Is your load heavy today? Maybe you haven’t thought about it? Maybe you are dug in? Maybe you know what you need to do, but aren’t ready yet? My friend…find your way to Jesus! I promise you! You will not regret giving it to Him…you will only wish you had done it sooner!